The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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