his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
