just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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