dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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