The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
