Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
