i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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