This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
