Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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