Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
