fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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