Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
