yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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