i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
