News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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