Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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