Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
