i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The best revenge is premature balding
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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