I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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