I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
