Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
