so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
