True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
