69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i believe in u and ur pee
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
