Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
