Pappa wants mamma naked
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
