at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
