So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
