.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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