umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
