I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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