If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
