i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
