**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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