i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
