The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am naked and annoyed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
