I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
