if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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