yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
