i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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