or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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