he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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