where am i from again
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
