but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
