the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
