girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
