Christians are straight up FREAKS
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
