I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
