I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
