im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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