I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
