Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
