I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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