She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
