I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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