the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
